Our Review Ethics Policy was developed in 2000 when we realized that we owed a duty of care to our loyal readers, which amounted to about 7 people at the time. We decided to keep the policy secret as we didn't want our readers to think we were trying to hide something by being upfront about having a policy because, as we all know, nothing sows doubt faster in the mind of the reader than explicitly telling them the standards to which we adhere.After 13 years it's high time The Armchair Empire reveal its Review Ethics Policy, which includes the calculations that determine review scores.
The Armchair Empire's Ethical Treatment
of Our Loyal Subjects
of Our Loyal Subjects
The Armchair Empire will not tolerate most wrongdoing or impropriety at any time. The Armchair Empire may take appropriate measures in correcting the issue if the ethical code is broken. Unless there's a very good reason, any infractions of this code of ethics will not be tolerated.
We will accept any and all offers from companies that wish to pay for our travel and accommodations (including flights, rental cars, hotel rooms) to preview/review a video game or attend a sponsored event. If we review a game at a publisher-sponsored event, we'll disclose it in the review, ensuring that we brag about that fact as much as possible .
Our writers must accept gifts (including food and drinks; t-shirts; paper weights; miscellaneous bric-a-brac; foot rubs, back rubs, and "happy endings") in excess of $10 in value. If the gift is under $10 in value it is the writer's discretion to accept the gift.
Our editors and news writers may be asked to appear in a professional capacity as experts on various television, news, radio, print, or other media. These appearances constitute a full endorsement of any products, companies, or services discussed, like Doritos Nacho Chips or anything produced by our good friends at Proctor & Gamble.
Editors and writers are expected to adhere to a strict dress code if appearing on television as a video game expert. A t-shirt promoting a company or game is encouraged; however, black or purple is suggested if a game shirt is not available. Either wardrobe option must have at least one food-related stain visible at all times.
The Armchair Empire makes every effort for stories to be completely accurate upon publication. Inaccurate stories will be perpetuated as correct until such time as they can be proven false in a Bahamian Court of Law.
ETOOLS Review Scoring Method:
Out of the box every game is a "10." The following calculations must then be undertaken in the exact order as outlined below in order to establish an accurate score since the text of the review cannot be relied upon.
The order of operations is extremely important:
Low res graphics
|
1
|
Terrible voice acting
|
1
|
Story takes too long to start
|
0.5
|
Broken game mechanics
|
1.5
|
You had Mexican food for lunch
|
2.3
|
You had Greek food for dinner
|
1.4
|
You skipped lunch and dinner
|
0.03
|
You heard someone else describe the game as "awesome"
|
2
|
It's a licensed game
|
2.5
|
It's a sequel
|
1.2
|
Homo eroticism
|
3
|
Lesbian scene
|
6
|
Discussion of politics against personal views
|
2.2
|
Discussion of politics aligned with personal views
|
0.75
|
Made you think about anything meaningful
|
1.1
|
You cried yourself to sleep
|
1.25
|
Floaty or inaccurate controls
|
1.78
|
You like pie as a substitute for exercise
|
pi
|
Menu layout isn't to your liking
|
1.3
|
Inventory management
|
1.5
|
Inventory management that reminds you of Tetris
|
2.1
|
Poor driver support (PC specific)
|
1
|
Good graphics
|
2
|
Great graphics
|
3
|
Multiplayer (of any kind)
|
2
|
Multiplayer that feels tacked-on
|
1.5
|
Game publisher paid for review event
|
3
|
Game publisher sent swag of some kind
|
2.5
|
Felt frustrated at any point during the review process
|
0.25
|
You didn't shower today
|
1
|
An "arty" game you didn't understand
|
2.3
|
If the tally exceeds "10" then the score must be adjusted to whatever Gameranking's aggregate score is; if the tally is less than "4" then the score must be reduced to "2."
A review score may be revisited at such time as there is reader outrage over a particular review score. In these cases, the editor reserves all rights to exercise his demigod-like whim to change the score to lessen the number of enraged emails and still satisfy publishers and developers.
Note: It's very important to only use the calculations as they apply to each game. For example, a text game could not be scored on graphics. In this particular case the game could be deemed "old school." The editor may modify the score accordingly should an edge case like the above example occur.
Co-Founder / Editor
Aaron Simmer
* With credit and apologies to Polygon.
