My End of 2015 Top Ten of Top Tens for the End of 2015

Well, it's the end of the year, and with that comes a lull in game coverage as everyone winds down for the holidays. Fear not, though, game publications around the world have the big guns ready for one last salvo of click bait to get people ploughing through their site with a mix of curiosity, a desire for confirmation bias, and a big sack of righteous indignation just waiting for a greenlight. That's right folks it's time for gaming sites to slap up their top ten lists where they give us their picks for the best of the best in 2015.

It's all bullshit. You know it. I know it. The people writing these things sure as hell know it. So, instead of complaining about the ultimately meaningless yearly ritual, and the worrying zeal and lack of perspective consistently displayed by people who care way too much about them I've decided to make my own top ten list...of everyone else's top ten lists. This list will aim to rank the best of the best in year end top ten lists, taking subjective rankings and placing them under one massive umbrella of subjective ranks. One list to rule them all, etc.

10. Patrick Klepek's Top 10 Games 2015 [Kotaku]

The reason Patrick's list is here has nothing to do with the games he listed. He's here because his top ten list made it to the first page when I started searching Google for "End of 2015 Game Top Ten". So, while I don't really care about his taste in games, I think we should all applaud him for winning the SEO derby against his fellow Kotaku writers and making the first page of Google search results. That's no mean feat in the cutthroat world of search engine optimization. Everyone else at the outlet should take this as a wake-up call to step up their game in 2016.

9. The 25 Best Games of 2015 [The Guardian]

As much as I'd like to rank them higher, I just can't bring myself to do so. The Guardian got greedy and they need to be punished for that. If a publication insists on breaking an age old tradition of top ten lists and pumps something out at 2.5X the accepted norm, it's important that we collectively put our foot down and tell them this isn't okay. There are only two reasons that they're still on this list. First, they awarded Bloodborne their top spot, something seemingly every other site has avoided. Second, they ranked The Witcher 3 higher than both Metal Gear Solid V and Fallout 4. A bold move in the face of all of the love those two games got this year.

8. The 10 best games of 2015 and GamesBeat’s Game of the Year [Venture Beat]

Sometimes it's fun to watch fanboys get angry. Just look for a contrarian opinion on something game-related and watch as forums and comment sections explode with people complaining, launching adhominem attacks, and taking to social media to let the world know how wrong this author was. I have to assume that the folks at Venture Beat really do get a kick out of this stuff, as not only did they make some unexpected choices like including Rise of the Tomb Raider on their list, but they did so at the expense of games such as Fallout 4 and Bloodborne. As you might imagine, there were some unhappy people in the comments section, but with that they managed to land a respectable 8th place in this top ten and earn a cheeky, "Oh, you!" from this writer.

7. Best Android games: what you should be playing in 2015 [Android Pit]

This one is here for the sake of being well-rounded. I heard an analyst once say that mobile gaming is the wave of the future, so it must be true. Just don't say that to the Hardcore Gaming set. They'll get mad at you. I'm already skating on thin ice even daring to mention mobile here. I've no idea if any of the games the author mentioned are actually good or not, but the images look pretty and I like the Incredible Hulk, so he's okay in my book. Really, the only thing holding this back from ranking higher is the lack of gatcha style games on his list.

6. The Top 10 Videogames of 2015 [WIRED]

The middle part of a top ten list is always the hardest. The stuff in the top three or four you'll have a pretty good idea of what will go there, and same with the eight through ten spots. It's usually sorting out five, six, and seven where things can falter. Arbitrarily placing games in the meh-est section in a list your really starting to wish was a top five can suck the life out of a writer. If anything, you want a nice, easy solution to this conundrum. Thankfully, WIRED has that base covered. They had the wherewithall to make a slide show instead of a more traditional top ten inundated with words and logic. Well, this list did have words under the slides, but I didn't read any of them. I just said, "Slides? Fuck, yeah!' and knew my work was done. Congratulations on sixth place, gang.

5. Greg Miller's Top 10 Games of 2015 [Giant Bomb]

Clocking in at about the safest list I've bothered to skim before saying, "Good enough" and adding it to this list is Greg Miller, not really of Giant Bomb anymore, but doing a top ten for them anyway because reasons. With choices like Fallout 4, State of Decay, Tomb Raider, MGSV, and Batman, there aren't many large fan bases for releases this year that have a reason to break out the pitchforks. Sure, The Witcher 3 isn't there, but it's gotten a good deal of love from other outlets, and I'm pretty sure most Bloodborne fans have given up on the concept of top ten lists...at least till next year when they may or may not being doing the same thing with Dark Souls 3 come December.

4. The 35 Best New Board Games [Popular Mechanic]

I don't play board games, as my misanthropic tendencies tend to get in the way of such activities, but still applaud the fact that they exist and appreciate that there are a growing number of people out there that are really into this stuff. So much so do I feel this way, that I'm willing to look the other way regarding the fact that there are 35 games on this list. That's ten more than the Guardian. Nonetheless, the onslaught of images featuring fancy box covers, plastic pieces, and important-looking cards were enough to win me over. This does not mean that I'm going to start playing board games, however.

3. Pip’s Games Of The Year Those Other Guys Missed [Rock Paper Shotgun]

It's hard not to have mixed feelings when coming across some unexpected, low key surprises in a top ten list. Part of you is happy to see it there, and another part wishes more of these unsung heroes would get some recognition, maybe even a list of their own. As luck would have it, Pip from RPS did just that. There aren't ten games in it, but she did make the effort to draw attention to a number of games that came out this year, were pretty darn good, and may have slipped under people's radar. Just the fact that Crypt of the Necrodancer is there makes it one of the most important lists of the year.

2. TotalBiscuit's Arbitrary Video Game Awards - 2015

As someone who has on several occasions mentioned the silly, arbitrary nature of top ten lists, it's always nice when TotalBiscuit does his arbitrary awards show with a cornucopia of vaguely video game related categories. Sure, upon closer inspection the awards do make a fair bit of sense, but it's more fun to just leave the veneer or randomness in place. The video does come in at a whopping two hours, so breaks for bum and leg messages will be necessary. We've lost too many good people to long video game award video-induced deep vein thrombosis already, and really, the potentially life threatening nature of this award show is the only thing holding it back from number one on this list.

1. Top Ten Shittiest Games of 2015 [The Jimquisition]

And with that, here we are at this year's top spot on my end of 2015 top ten of top tens for the end of 2015. For quite some time now, Jim Sterling has been fighting the good fight, subjecting himself to some of the worst games the industry has to offer and telling us about them. It's one thing for someone to make a list of all the most amazing game experiences that they've had over the last twelve months, but quite another to go back to some dark places and give us a comprehensive list of the dreckiest dreck to crawl out of places like the inexplicably still existing Steam Greenlight. Sterling could have dedicated the whole video to reminding us how terrible Batman was on PC, but he went the extra mile, with such revelations as an Alone in the Dark game having come out this year and that somehow Topware Interactive still exists.

So there you have it. 2015 was a fine year for end of 2015 top ten lists. I'd like to extend my hearty congratulations to all of the winners and look forward to doing this again next year, assuming I remember to do it again next year and don't get sidetracked by something else.

Bardbarian: Protecting Your Village Through the Power of Song (and Expendable Underlings)

Tower defense and shoot 'em ups aren't exactly two genres that I instinctively put together. Both have their charms, but they occupy distinctly different realms in my mind. However, some folks actually decided to squish them together into a single game: Bardbarian. (The name seemed familiar, as I'd seen in on Android before, but I didn't actually decide to take the plunge until it came to PC.) While the idea works surprisingly well in the early game, due to the ability to gather gold and buy upgrades, later on difficulty becomes trivialized as you run around with a team of elite, overpowered minions that lay waste to pretty much everything the game throws at them.

In Bardbarian you play as Brad. He used to be a barbarian who was responsible for defending his village from the hordes of goblins, orcs, and demons that attacked with all too much frequency. One day, he felt that the axe just wasn't doing it for him anymore and decided to follow a new calling, that of the bard. So, with a song in his heart, he slapped some strings on his axe, started plucking away, and inspired the other defenders in town to do the fighting for him.

Brad's sole responsibility is to defend the big, glowing crystal in town from the waves of attacks. There's a vaguely tower defense feel here, except without the towers. Enemies still spawn from three points on the map and march along until they get within striking distance of the crystal where they will proceed to wail on it.

In order to fend these things off, you'll have Brad run around, playing songs to summon different units that will follow him around and do the actual fighting, as well as a few ditties that act as buffs to enhance offense, defense, and movement speed. The whole thing feels almost like a bullet hell shooter, especially on later levels, since most of your units as well as the enemies specialize in projectile weapons. I'm a sucker for this sort of thing, so quite enjoyed all of the juking and dodging. It gets even more complicated if you find yourself getting overrun and need to fall back to protect the crystal because you'll still need to dodge these bullets, but sometimes actually have to run in front of them to protect the crystal. So, this leaves the player deciding whether or not to sacrifice one of their minions or a bit of Brad's health as the situation is getting dire.

For a good while, hitting this level of intensity can be quite fun. However, killing enemies rewards Brad with gold and over time you really start grinding this out to spend on various upgrades. These include improving structures in the town, enhancing Brad's own stats and abilities, and, most importantly, leveling up the various units available. This becomes a problem when everything gets maxed out because then players find themselves in a situation where much of what they have at their disposal is rather overpowered. What once was a grueling test of skill suddenly becomes a pushover. It's kind of a drag, as it takes the wind out of the sails for the game to an extent.

There are a couple of other game modes that do remain challenging simply because they don't incorporate any of the enhancements that one can find in the shop. One is an escape mode, where Brad runs from a wall of demons trying to achieve the greatest distance possible, all the while dodging pits, monsters, and projectiles. It's not a bad mode, and serves as a bit of a time waster. If anything, it feels like something one would expect to find in the realm of mobile gaming. The other way to go is survival mode where Brad runs around the arena, picking up minions to help him, while trying to stay alive for as long as possible. This mode actually does push the player surprisingly hard, especially when you consider how boss spawning works, as it's on a timer. So, if you're taking too long to kill one boss, you could well find yourself in a situation where suddenly you have two bosses to deal with since another just spawned. This is the mode that feels the most interesting in the long haul, as it actually manages to maintain a decent level of challenge.

It's a shame that Bardbarian becomes so easy once players have unlocked a bunch of the stuff in the shop. For much of the game, it provides a decent challenge and manages to be enjoyable, but once your minions start getting overpowered the fun really takes a nosedive. Even the tongue-in-cheek silliness isn't enough to make up for this. The game was originally released on iOS and Android, so I could see the game being harder there where one has to tap to move Brad around as opposed to using more traditional controls, but that just isn't the case on PC.  The combination of genres and attempts at humor should have made this game pretty good, but the lack of difficulty later on makes it feel like a waste of time in the end.

NotGTAV is a Very Silly Game

So, while taking a peak at the Steam front page yesterday, I happened upon a rather unusual game there called NotGTAV. Hmm? A silly parody? This isn't just YouTuber fodder, is it? As it turns out, it's not, and is actually a pretty good piece of satire. You will need to be abreast of current events in the UK in order to get most of the jokes, but if you're in that crowd, there's a good 30 minutes to an hour of silly good times to be had. All of the proceeds go to charity, so you can feel even better about yourself while laughing at David Cameron and horse meat.

Basically, the game is a glorified version of Snake, with players guiding an ever-growing procession of things around a field either trying to gobble up more things, or avoid dangerous ones, all while not bashing into walls or obstacles. It's something most people have probably played at some point in their life, probably on their mobile phone, but with a shiny veneer of tongue-in-cheek humour. What makes the whole thing work is the ridiculous settings players are thrust into, which includes driving around a camp site running over tents with a tractor, or zipping around London on Saturday as Britain's prime minister while avoiding all of the protests marching around town.

While the missions and their objectives are both very silly, the majority of the laughs comes from all of the comments everyone is making while you drive / walk around a level doing your thing. It largely pokes fun at politics and the socio-economic situation in the UK, and really cuts to the heart of a lot of the problems facing the country. About my only complaint is that they focused so much on David Cameron here when there are so many other people in his party that deserve to be mocked as well. I didn't really notice any jabs being taken at George Osborne or Iain Duncan Smith, and, even more shocking, not a one at Michael Gove. Michael Gove. The man is practically a walking punchline.

From an aesthetic standpoint, NotGTAV is about as lo-fi as they come. The visuals are crayon scribbles with just enough detail to figure out your location and what you're driving. All of the sound effects are sampled mouth noises, and the music is people humming / singing in the background. They even went through the trouble of making mock radio stations for the levels set in London.

The game is dirt cheap at about three bucks regular price, and even less when on sale. It's very short, but benefits from that as the jokes would have worn thin if it was drawn out too much. At its current length, with the satire it has, the game is an entertaining little romp. Like I said before, if you're not from the UK or at least up to speed with the news over there, the majority of the humour will go straight over your head. Those who are will have themselves a good time.

How to Make "Walking Simulators" More Fun

Jeff tosses around some ideas for how to make "Walking Simulators" more fun.