incite PC Gaming had a rather short run as a magazine. It seems that the magazine folded after a mere 6 issues, but with covers like the one found on issue 2 (January 2000) is it any wonder?
First, notice the price. $3.99 in Canada, $2.99 in the US. That was cheap for a magazine, even in 2000. Most comic books cost more than that. All evidence suggests that the magazine was being sold at a loss in order to appear more attractive on news stands. I know that's why I picked up this issue. The price was certainly more attractive than the cover model, Victoria Silvstedt.
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Victoria Silvstedt was likely at the height of her popularity in 2000. A Playboy Playmate of the Year and a well-known face at the time, incite PC Gaming managed to make her look like a poorly dressed real doll. The cover was only the tip of the iceberg though. The gift guide she was featured in (pages 86 - 95) suffers poor layouts. Nearly all her poses sit in the fold of the magazine, skewing the pictures. (On the included disc, there's a 2 minute video of the photo shoot, along with footage of Halo when it was still a PC game. "These graphics have to be seen to be believed.") Fortunately, the information in the gift guide, more than decade old, makes up for it.
The IBM T55 flat panel display -- "a slim and expensive 15-inch LCD flat panel display" -- is of particular note: $1,500. So is the Panasonic DVD-L50 portable DVD player. Take a deep breath: $1,100. With gadgets like these, it begs the question, "Who the hell was this gift guide for?"Maybe it was aimed at the staffers at Ion Storm, many of whom are featured in a multi-page spread that examined their upcoming titles: Diakatana, Deus Ex, and Anachronox. (About 18 months later, Ion Storm's Dallas office was shuttered.)
This issue, and really it was a "thing" that could be found in every issue, was attempts at "quirky" articles and asides, like "Who Will Play Duke Nukem?" in the News section because Duke was a hot license back in 2000 or a sidebar examining celebrity lookalikes in Final Fantasy VIII. Truly the high water mark for all games journalism had established itself well before the bleeding edge of what is the current standard for games journalism. (Read my sixth Top Ten: Best Gaming Cleavage article! It'll make you think!) For me, this kind of thing is unique to the video game industry. It would be difficult for me to swallow Harper's featuring a sidebar offering speculation who should play Joan Didion in a bio pic. It just isn't done.
(To be absolutely fair, Harper's Index comes close to being a throwaway, but even then they did some actual research.)The feature on Team Fortress 2 showcased a game that existed (then was replaced with cartoons and hats) and a headline that would be the subject of a many a forum war if the headline appeared today. "To Hell with Bill Gates" says Gabe Newell. Or least the headline does.
Reading the text underneath, Mr. Newell says no such thing. Yes, he left Microsoft 13 years prior to the publication of the magazine, but there's nothing to suggest he knocked over a magazine rack on his way to the parking lot to fill Bill Gates' gas tank with sugar before handing in his resignation and taking a dump on his supervisor's desk. That's the kind of action I'd expect based on the flame-bait headline.
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With the reviews section, sometimes there's a treasure trove of forgotten titles there that sound awesome but for some reason never caught on. In this issue, one of those was not NBA Basketball 2000 from Radical Entertainment. As Tom Legal, who worked on the title, told me, "You could block free throws." The score seems almost generous based on that simple fact. But the review in this issue that grabbed my attention is Gabriel Knight III, reviewed by Nikki Douglas. It was awarded 5 out of 5 stars.
Stop.
As a reminder, Gabriel Knight III featured the single worst puzzle ever featured in an adventure game. It was awful! It showcased an absurd series of steps, even for an adventure game, which featured application of a cat hair moustache. 5 out of 5? Even though I enjoyed the lead-up to and the closing chapter, that single puzzle was enough for me to swear off adventure games for years the same way throwing up after eating a meal will put a dark, dark cloud over the memory of whatever was included in that meal.Other reviews in this issue included Pharaoh, Ages of Empires II, Flight Simulator 2000, NASCAR Racing 3, Driver, Deer Hunt Challenge, and a trio of basketball games. (Remember when there were sports games for the PC?)
Chips & Bits has a two page ad toward the back of the magazine. For those unfamiliar, this company would deal in cheap games or possibly hard to acquire games and later on started getting into PC hardware. Not quite on the level as a sale on Amazon or Steam, I remember pouring over the lists comparing prices so see how much money I could save on games I couldn't afford regardless of the price.
If there's one thing I've discovered about looking through old magazines it's that I will re-read magazines over and over. Maybe not cover to cover, but I'll definitely pick out my favourite feature and read it again. I don't do the same with online features. I'll read something and forget about it. Where I read it, who wrote it, what it was really about, I might have a hard time remembering. It might not even have been a written feature. It might have been a podcast or video. But that's not the case when I open a magazine. For some reason there's a stickiness with a magazine. I can open a magazine to a random page and the entire issue tends to come rumbling back into my memory; possibly a dim outline, but some kind of remembrance. "Oh yeah, this is issue where George Jones uses the F-word."
Man do I miss the glory days of print gaming magazines.
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| As mentioned previously, the layout for the gift guide is horrible. And how is it possible to Victoria Silvstedt looking anything less than glamorous? |
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David Bowie in a game? I remember Omikron faintly but I
thought the ad was cool.
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Terminal Reality made waves with its game Nocturne, mostly
because the minimum system specs were staggering for its time. It was essentially
a Resident Evil type game with a more outlandish premise. It's also kind of
interesting to note that Nocturne marks the precursor to Agent BloodRayne in
the form of agent Svetlana Lupescu, a half-vampire femme fatale. The
similiarities are too strong to ignore.
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| 5 stars? Still shaking my head! |
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(left to right): Zoe Flower, Tommy Tallarico, and Victor
Lucas represented everything I wanted to be doing in 2000, with the exception
of wearing sunglasses. Based in
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This ad has always bugged me. It's like every worst gamer cliché
rolled into one picture. The lure of contact with another human being -- sexual
contact to boot -- isn't enough to drag a truly hardcore gamer away from his
PC. And take a look around this room! The only thing that doesn't stick to stereotype
is that the room lit extremely well.
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The less said about a Diakatana ad the better.
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Diablo II? That’s right. A dozen years later and we have thesequel.
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Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation. Bask in the boobed-glory
of a gun-wielding Lara Croft fighting skeletons. 2000 was a simpler time. We'll
soon be getting a grittier version of Lara and there's doesn't appear to be any
light-hearted adventuring about it. Rape is hardly light-hearted.
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- Aaron Simmer
